Love??

Love??

You are welcome to get angry with me, and many will. But when the anger dissipates think about the concept again.

The idea of love is so very distorted today it is almost unrecognizable. Think about it for just a moment and I think you might agree. A couple are at a local event of some type. Music is playing softly in the background. They look across the room at each other. Their eyes meet and for one moment their starry eyed gazes remain fixated on each other. Their hearts begin to pound in their chests as they sheepishly turn their eyes aside. They know they are in love. Or do they?

I would agree they had a romantic moment or that for one instant passion (or lust) rose within their hearts. But I cannot concede that it was love. Read the words to so many ‘love’ songs today and if you have a modicum of decency it will frighten you to think what people are calling love. If you watch a Hollywood movie (movies not made in Hollywood qualify as well) from as far back as I can remember you will come away with an idea of love which is skewed beyond comprehension. Why? Why are the ideas of Biblical love so different than what we hear or see in the entertainment industry?

Because theirs has no basis of truth. Whenever one forms an opinion it must have a foundation somewhere. What was the idea founded upon? In the entertainment industry love is expressed solely from an experiential foundation. In other words, they write songs of love or movies depicting love from their own experiences. But what were their experiences? As I have mentioned before one of my all-time favorite singers or actresses was Doris Day. Her portrayal of emotion was absolutely convincing.  When she became exasperated with the leading man her face let you know she was going to explode and that poor guy was in some real trouble. But when she sang a love song it was filled with that same intensity and passion and you knew the girl was in love (or was supposed to be at least). But where did those ideas come from? Who said that passion is equal to love or that romance and love were interchangeable concepts? Before they wrote the song or penned the script what source did they refer to for their ideas?

In Christianity we have the Word of God as our source for all truth. Love is explained or described in many passages. Most notably we have a description of love in I Corinthians 13:4-8. Look carefully at this passage, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, (v.5) Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; (v.6) Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; (v.7) Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. (v.8) Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” If I might be allowed to paraphrase: Love is patient, kind, not envious, not self-exalting, not self-seeking, never thinks evil, never finds joy in another’s pain, and is always glad when truth prevails. Love bears every load, is always willing to believe the best, holds on to hope, and endures every trial. Love never fails, it remains to the end.

Notice from the above description that the Biblical idea of love shows love to clearly be an action and not a feeling. It is shown to be a choice one makes to give one’s self completely to the benefit of another. To this Paul makes two very interesting commands. First, as Paul is addressing Titus (Titus 2:4) he adds the idea that the older women are to teach the younger women to love their husband and family. So, what happened to that starry eyed connection? In this instance love is taught. It does not mean we should never be romantic. But it does indicate a separation between the two ideas. Love is not ‘necessarily’ romantic and romance is certainly not love. If we do all of what I Cor. 13 says we will undoubtedly ‘build’ a romantic relationship. Everything in that passage is focused on giving to or aiding the other person. Then, in Ephesians 5:25ff Paul opens with a simple concept i.e., that husbands should love their wives. He says “Husbands, love your wives” and he states it as a command. For the husband love is not optional. He is to incorporate all of the concepts of I Cor. 13 into the relationship he has with his wife.

According to the Biblical concept of love Hollywood has it backward. Because they have only their own experience to judge by, they teach that romance blossoms into love. But according to the Bible love, as an action, is the foundation. When we follow God’s command to love we will find that romance follows. It is no wonder so many homes are in distress, and that so many couples are separating. They become frustrated when the romantic relationship of youth fades into the past. They never learned to truly love their spouse. They tried to build a home on romantic images instead of learning to love (Titus 2:4) as the Bible teaches.

Do you want a simple test? Ask yourself what it is that would pull your marriage back together. If the answer begins with “If she/he would…” then it is very likely that you need to go back to I Cor. 13:4-8.