And Me Without a Plan

And Me Without a Plan

A true story, no kidding.

I remember in my younger days (don’t we all) thinking about how in the world I would ever be able to live on my own. How would I ever be able to get a job sufficient to pay bills, and for a whole life time? Of course to a young man thoughts of that nature disappear about as quickly as they occur. The future never seems so close. 

More important were the thoughts that would come throughout life. Thoughts very much like those, but centered more on my responsibility, would come time and again. When Jane and I were getting married I can remember thinking that I had no earthly idea how I would ever be able to be an effective husband. How could I build a home, be a leader, provide for the welfare of my wife and meet the daily responsibilities of a young married couple? I was frequently overwhelmed just thinking how very out of place, and ill equipped, I knew myself to be. And yet, here I was, just me without a plan. 

Feelings like that do not go away very easily…because God sends children. Now if you want to talk about being overwhelmed just pack a couple of children into the mix. Naturally, I put on a good game-face when Michael was on the way. It really was exciting knowing that in just a few months we would have our very first child. But I really could not completely eradicate the fears and concerns that were now mounting. How could I (I know it is ‘we’ but it was my deficiencies I worried about not Jane’s) take this young life we were bringing into the world and teach him to be a better person than I had been? Is that the epitome of “do as I say and not as I do?” And having failed so miserably (in my mind) with my own life what could I possibly teach him? How would we provide for his physical needs, his medical, educational and yes his spiritual needs? Was I capable? I had no training at all in being a dad and yet, here I was and here he came…and me without a plan.

Well, talk about compounding problems and worries just about the time Michael was showing a little bit of promise Melanie decided it was time to make her grand appearance in our lives. Of course, I knew Jane would handle the female issues of life but I would still face everything I did with Michael but now with a little different edge. She was our little girl and that just adds a perspective that isn’t easily explained unless you have a little girl. There just seems to be a bit more earnestness to protecting and shielding her from all the harm this world would throw her way. But again, I had no training, no child rearing classes, and no special powers inherent in my nature that would ever equip me to raise a daughter successfully. I had no plan at all and yet, here I was and here they were.

Thoughts like this pervaded my heart and mind over the years with every new phase of our children’s lives. How could I be an effective husband? How could I be a father our children could respect? How could I possibly teach them how to live their lives when I had made such a wreck of my own? How could I teach them what I really believed they needed…without a plan?

I prayed. I sought a closer walk with God daily for myself. I learned to enjoy every moment that God allowed Jane and I to have with our children. And they turned out to be so different from each other that one might wonder if they had the same parents. But that’s good. They both grew to love God. They found wonderful spouses who also love the Lord. And although one is more scholastic and the other is more ‘hippified’ they are both wonderful loving young people who care deeply for those they meet.

Well, what do you know? Here we are at the end of that journey and it was wonderful. The only real plan I had seems to have worked out quite well, marry a godly spouse, pray daily for your family and draw closer to God personally every day and things will work out just fine.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. (v.6) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”