Death Tears the Heart

Death Tears the Heart

My arms were just able to reach over the edge of the sink. Eight, nine, maybe ten years old; I really can’t recall just when I first started washing the dinner dishes. But, in our home all of the children did the dishes. This night was just like any other in that regard. However, I recall standing there at such a young age on that particular night because it was far different than the myriad other nights which had gone before or that would ever follow. This one stands out in my memory. In the midst of warm greasy water and rapidly fading suds I saw the door open; the swinging door between the kitchen and the laundry room. But this time it seemed to open ominously slow. Mom was just returning from an event I really did not understand yet. She and several other relatives came through that door in somber relief. As I turned to my right, from the dishes piled in my sink, I saw Mom.

I had never seen my Mother so broken. To this point in my life my mother had seldom shown anything but laughter, discipline and possibly a bit of frustration from time to time. Such sadness I had never seen in her. It gripped my heart unexpectedly. Desperately, I wanted to help, I wanted to hide and I wanted to comfort her in some way. I remained at the sink and watched, knowing it was all that I could do. Mom had just buried her father and death tore her heart.

A number of years later Betty stood by the side of her husband. He lay in a hospital bed, unconscious. I stood by, as their Pastor, silently watching, praying that somehow God might give comfort in the darkness. Betty stood holding to her husband’s hand squeezing each moment of hope. They lived as husband and wife for more than 40 years. Together they had raised several children and were able to retire in the home of their dreams. Somehow, in all the preparation they had not prepared for this moment. She stood bravely aside as a doctor entered the room for one more evaluation; one more look into a condition he already believed held no hope. I stood by praying silently that God would give me some words of solace, a guiding principle, an encouraging word, anything as I watched Betty’s heart breaking. The monitors stopped. The tone became steady. The lines were all straight. Her husband had left and gone into the presence of the Lord. Betty remained. She collapsed face first onto the breast of her husband’s body. Completely broken, death tore her heart.

Recently, a cousin I had been especially close to in our youth became ill. He had already suffered much in life. A back injury with failed surgeries and lame attempts by the medical community to repair the damage left him in constant pain. He was prescribed inept drugs to relieve the pain, leaving him all but completely confined to a wheel chair. Parkinson’s disease had also begun to take its toll. Other ailments added to the daily suffering and pain he went through. Being confined to a state penitentiary for 18 years with no real hope of ever being released added to the mental and emotional stress which undoubtedly amplified the discomfort of the many physical ailments he suffered from. Now, lying in a hospital bed under watch of doctors and law enforcement, his brain was bleeding. His family could not stand by his side. They could not be there; making their sorrow even greater. Each could only watch from a distance. It was certain to anyone who had known him well that he was a child of God, he had been born-again. Still, the pain was there. Still, the difficultly of letting go weighed heavy upon the hearts of family members. Still when he was allowed to leave his body behind, and enter the glories of heaven, death tore at their hearts.

There is no good scenario in death. When a child buries a parent, when a wife loses her husband or when families say goodbye to a loved one who has suffered greatly still death tears at the heart. Death (Romans chapter 5) has been the enemy of man since Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden. Death, because of sin, tears us apart. And, it will always hurt. That is normal. Not good, but normal.  

However, for believer’s death loses its great sting, its deadly barb (I Cor. 15:53-58) because, we do not die spiritually. Our bodies cease to function. But, the Apostle Paul said in II Cor. 5:8 “We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.” For the believer, laying this flesh aside simply allows us to enter into the presence of Christ. I John 3:2 says, “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.” We must be like him before we can enter his presence, I Cor. 15:53 “For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.” For Paul the reality of God’s presence was so great it left him longing to leave here, Phil. 1:23a “For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ…” He knew we would have sorrow. Sorrow at the departure of a loved one is natural. Knowing we will have no way to contact them again as long as we live on this earth causes sorrow. However, as a prelude to that great classic passage on the rapture Paul says in, 1Thes. 4:13-14 “But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep (those who have died), that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. (v.14) For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep (have died) in Jesus will God bring with him.” The unsaved are separated for all of eternity. But, for the child of God, our loved ones have not gone forever. They are coming back here with Jesus when he comes to take the Church home.

In the rapture they will come to us with Christ. And if we depart before the rapture, we will go to them in Heaven. That is our great hope, the promise of God. Still, the separation will always be difficult. Because we live in fleshly bodies in a physical world, it will always be hard to let go of those we love. It is perfectly acceptable for Christians to sorrow in death. But when we have the hope of eternal life and can be assured that heaven is just a breath away, it can be a little easier. We will miss their presence with us for this moment. And, we will see their memory played over again in our hearts many times. But we share the same promises. Ours is a heavenly country as well. Ours is an entrance to the city of God, too.  For those who are born again, Heaven is a grand reunion. Our loved ones have simply left a little earlier than we did. There is no death for us, only a passing from this life into God’s presence and a reunion with those we love. And there, never again will death tear at the heart.